Ah, so Spring Break was a difficult week. Actually the last month has been really difficult, whether it is wondering about what I am going to be working as in the future or wondering if I’ll ever meet a woman that loves me for who I am. I’ve found it extremely difficult to be happy and everyone knows that life is a lot easier when you are happy and things are going well for you. This month hasn’t been like that at all and it has taken a whole lot of days of feeling down and kind of sluggish with many of those days having some defining moment where I pray to God something along the lines of, “God, I don’t know what is wrong with me, but obviously my heart isn’t in tune with you and I need you to give me something worth while to live for today.” And then all throughout this last month, within a hour or within minutes God has put some Bible verse or some person on my heart to pray about or to call up and hang out with.
Today, I was again in that sluggish mode, then I took a walk to Stater Bros to withdraw some cash when I again asked God, “what do you expect of me today God?” Then he reminded me, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind…” and I filled in the rest of the sentence because he then reminded me of my bro that wasn’t at church. So I went and called up this bro, and I found out, that he got into a car wreck, and that I was the first person to call him up. Again, my day changed from that moment on, but slowly by the end of the night, I am once again in that sluggish state again.
I came home tonight, and wanted to hide in my room and surf the web and chill, but then my mom’s boyfriend came home, and then I knew well, I’d rather go talk to him, then just sit here doing nothing. It was a nice chat, nothing major or significant, but some days during this last month, I chose to stay in the room during the same situation. I still feel sluggish and things like that, but then God does remind me of verses like “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philipians 3:14)
So if you are going through one of those rough times, press on! God doesn’t require anything more or less from you when you are happy or when you are sad, it is still possible to abide in him and obey him even when your feelings tell you otherwise.